Poor, Single, You!

Poor, Single, You!

“How can YOU be single?” one of the most dreaded questions I can think of as a single woman in the matchmaking industry. I can understand that the intent is a compliment, but for me, it is far from it. It’s quite ignorant and insulting. Unfortunately, society deems being single as having something “wrong” with you when clearly it is quite the opposite.

Often, I find individuals who are single to be confident and content, especially those who consider it as a temporary lifestyle choice. Being unafraid to be alone in one’s company, getting to know oneself on a deeper level, maybe even date oneself is strength. It gives you a chance to know yourself and what brings you joy, so when you choose to enter back into the dating world, you are much more equipped with the overwhelming options. You are no longer trying to draw the parts of you that are missing, or worse, as the law of attraction dictates, channel the unhealthy parts of you.

Unfortunately, your relationship status tends to reflect your worth in the minds of many. There’s this hierarchy of sorts where marriage, no matter how healthy or destructive, is labeled best and divorced and single battle it out for worst. Divorce signals you have failed, but single suggests there might be something even more wrong with you for not even having that notch.

I had a client once tell me I should lie about my status to ensure more credibility as a matchmaker. His reasoning was if I was happily coupled, more people would “buy into” hiring me as a coach and matchmaker. Since I’ve never had any trouble attracting business, or interest in men for that matter, I prefer to be honest with my clients. I don’t feel inferior for being labeled “single;” in fact, I’m quite proud. See it took me over 100 first dates to discover the truth. The answer to love can’t be found in someone else; it must start with self-love. It wasn’t until I stopped dating and getting into relationships that I discovered what truly works for me. I can honestly say I love myself more as a single entity than I ever did in a relationship. Being in this place will allow me to attract an equally healthy partner.

I know it’s hard out there! Just because there seems to be an endless supply of single people doesn’t make the options anymore right for you. And sometimes attracting the right person takes time. It’s more important to be patient with the process and block out the negative and often ignorant chatter from others. When we stop allowing the pressures of society dictate a need for a relationship, we allow things to unfold organically.